Sky.

I'll use your words you gave to me:
I hope that one day life will give you a break.

Sky.

On occassion, I think of you.. and I wonder what happened. What could have possibly pulled us away so far. You were there for me through everything from distance, and now you're even more away than I had thought. I always think about what I could've done to prevent it. But there's just no explanation nor remedy. I think of what we've done. Even though it was for a short while, it felt so long. I still remember the way you held me, the way you held my hands, and the way you looked at me before you kissed me. You were a slick, slick boy I must say. Stealing a kiss from me that night, and than a few more the next. But when it comes down to it, I could just remember the way you looked at me, how it mattered so much for your friends to treat me right. You are amazing, and that's what I can't let go. I don't understand how you can.

Oh look.

It's one of those days.

To you.

Since you wrote something to me, I thought it would only be fair if I wrote back.

I know you asked and questioned before if I still love you. & I do. From time to time, I think about how it would had been, if we had really tried to fix things. You used to ask if I miss you, and I replied no. It's not that I don't miss you, I just don't miss the bitterness and anger between us. If I had a chance to tell you that you meant everything to me, I would. You still mean everything to me. Just because I talk about you doesn't mean I'm talking shit behind your back. I stay up countless of nights crying over thoughts of you. I know you say you never meant to hurt me, but you never stood in front of me to say that you were truly sorry for what you did. You took the best part of me, my dignity. I question everything I do now, because of you. Your opinion means everything to me and you will always be my best friend no matter how hard you try to push me away. And I will always be here even though you say I'm the one that always talks shit. Please realize half of your friends are more fake than you think. EVERYONE talks shit about each other. It's life, get used to it. I know you talk about me, so please don't fret. I'm here to say sorry if that's what you want. I don't know who or what or how you would found such things out from. But think what you like. I'll still be here.. waiting.

Sky.

FUCK MY LIFE.




I MISS YOU.




NOT THE I MISS YOU COS WE DON'T TALK.
I MEAN TRULY & HONESTLY MISS YOU.
I WISH WE COULD UNDO.. BACK TO BEING COOL.
HOW DID WE GET LIKE THIS?

Clarification.

Just to clarify, your blog is a lie.
I will never believe you.
You will never love me.
You made me push the one person
I had in my life away from me.
I will never forgive you for your lies.
I will never forgive you for making
me lose him. I will never forgive you
for giving me false hopes & another reason to believe.

Doubt.

If a doubt comes across your mind, don't ever let it think that you're any less than the next. You will always be above and mean far much more. Don't ever doubt my love for you. You will always be the one I leave my path clear for. The one that will understand my heart almost truly. And one day, if there's another, don't let it bring out your jealousy. Rise above it, because I still love you.

Have you ever

Have you ever felt like you just don't want to be some place... Like you don't belong there, and no one will notice if you're gone? That's how I feel, right now at least. I want to take a walk somewhere, drive off somewhere. Anywhere, just not here.





"Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be if he had loved me
Truly loved me, yes
I learned a while ago, that kind of thing, it never happens for me
And so I go around and just pretend
Love is not for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let em see you sweat
Dont want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord know its killing me"

Words of encouragement.

From Alex Mena:


"i read ur blog.
very deep.
i'm sorry you feel that way.
but i wanna help u in any way i can.
if i were to have to repay anyone in this lifetime it would have to be you.
you've lifted me up off of my knees when i could no longer stand.
whether i had to face rejection from "that" girl or face reality with school and my parents.
you were there. by my side. through it all.
reading your feelings makes me feel like crap.
i wish i could take all of your emotions and swallow them hole. but i can't.
the only thing i can do is try to help you.
and hope that everything gets better for you.
you're one of the strongest people i know.
and i mean that with my heart and sole.
you used to be the one by my side.
through everything.
i think about it now and i'm certain that without you i'd probably be no one right now. and i'd probably be in jail. but i'm not.
all thanks to you.
i know that you can make it through this.
think about ur future. think about how everything in ur life right now will change.
the pain that ur going through will be changed. you will have what you deserve.
i love you Christina Nguyen with all my heart.
i'm here for you buddy."

Sky.

It's give and take, when your here, I'm still feeling alone.



Today, I doodled "Sky" all over my Sociology notes not realizing. & in an instant, we were back to square one. I'll give you your space. If it was meant to be, or if I actually meant something to you, you would come back.

Believe.

How do I know what I'm supposed to feel? & How do I know what is real? I spend whole days lurking the streets with you. And nothing has changed. The same two whole hearts are still beating as one, and I know you can feel it too. Our minds may have changed, but our hearts never left. It gives hope for a new beginning or a better one at that. One day, it will be. One day, you'll do all the things you told me you would. I know it, I can feel it.