You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

Often it's the most deserving people
Who cannot help loving those who destroy them.

you've destroyed me in every possible way.
cos i can't seem to forget you
when i see you almost everyday.
you haunt my dreams & reality.
i fought long to rid the pain
but slowly i've run out of the mentality.
i keep fighting for something that isn't there.
i could still remember the things we did
& all the memories we share.

i'm jealous, i'm sad, i'm broken, i want, i love, i hurt, i try, i stay, i cry.
nothing will ever be the same again.

Today was the 8th grade fair.
fack, so dissapointing :[
we gave out like 20 free bowls of chinese food.
fuck that shit man. :/
we lost profit.



NOW HOMEWORK. I'm so tired. I can't think. >.< & fudge, I don't wanna be alone & I don't wanna be in another relationship. I'm so confused -____- but refused & denied someone today.
it's better that way, TRUSTT ME.

Lost in my own world. for now i guess.


I wish I didn't have to worry about that, I wish I still had someone to love and someone to love me back. It was the most warm feeling I have ever felt. I never thought that it would end like this. I couldn't prove people wrong, because I wasn't strong enough to change. I wasn't strong enough to accept his flaws. I wasn't strong enough to do anything.




Stee<3
I love my besteezies.

The only person that can piss me off & make me love him at the same time.
-_____-
The only one that could make me cry when I'm mad instead of yell.
The only one that could make me laugh even when I'm crying.
The only one that could make me mad when I'm extremely happy.

crazy huh? I hope you read this foool! LOL.
cossss you didn't say you were proud of me!!!! ahaah.



mmk byee besteezy! [:

Today was a good day[:
5th period was freaking halarious!
TOESTOMPERS EH?! xD I love Mikey & Eileen.



Went to Pho afterschool with Quan, Rina, & Adrian :D
Got spot jackedddd tooo! lmao.
& spent the rest of the day with besteezy! My nickname is now STEE.
haha cos he's so lazy xD


did hwk with Alex over the phone, then gave up cos it got too difficult >.< & I promised him I would be nice. So I will try :D
now i'm watching chinese drama :D eeeeeeeek !


You have no right to judge the fairness of my actions, because in turn you were not fair to me. I didn't know anything. I had to find out stuff for myself. It's not fair to judge my feelings for past relationships. First love, doesn't go away. I will always remember and I will always compare. You are no where close to the person he was to me and still is. It's fishy that he and I are still close? You don't know shit. I came running to him with tears with all the shit about you, and he had his arms wide open telling me that it'll be okay. Where the fkc were you? Oh right, HURTING ME. I'm done, I don't want to deal with it anymore.



KK, STEE <3 style="font-weight: bold;">RIDE OR DIE. NAHHHHMEANNN?

Though my heart has healed in some aspects, I find myself dwelling on the past. The reasons for the way I am only leads back to him. I've grown into this person I am now because of him. I'm not saying it as a bad thing, I'm saying it as a miraculous thing. I grew up to be someone stronger, and weak all at once. I used to be so strong but when it comes to him, I am so weak. My heart is frail and it has shattered into pieces. I can't find a way to mend it or come to a compromise with it. I just know that when it hurts, it hurts. It can't be denied and it can't be forgotten. I'm over it and not at the same time... does that even make sense? I want to be with him again but I also don't. Is this the process of getting over someone?

Tonight I am alone.
Tonight all I have are the memories.

Happy non existent two years to you & I.

I haven't felt more empty than I do now. It didn't hit me until now. I can't believe it. I can't believe the pain I'm feeling. I can't stop crying. It's been an hour now, my eyes hurt along with my heart. I'm so broken, and your okay. Is that right? All I ever wanted was to love you, I never meant to cause you pain.

from my bulliten[:

The events that have occurred these past few months have been forced upon so many of us. It taught the values of life, the harshness of reality, & what it means to be in a friendship. Although, some cases did not deal with me, it makes me think and wonder how there could be such people in this world. They've used hatred and jealousy to define their actions and words. A friendship is something you must cherish. You meet people and whether they stay in your lives forever or not, you know for a fact that they've impacted your life in some sort of way. Take advantage of the days that you have to spend together instead of using hate to push someone away. Friendships are amongst people. You cannot define and toss someone around as if they are an inanimate object. It is disrespectful and nonetheless demeaning. People are allowed to have more than one friend, and within that they may choose whom they will & can befriend. If there's a problem amongst friends, you cannot take it into your own hand to say that it's all one person's fault. If you have added to and manipulated situations than you are no more different than the other. Accept your faults & be on your way. It does not take away your pride, it only boosts your strength. Be real about everything and don't bring in any one person if it has nothing to do with them. It isn't right to speak out of anger, being rational is much more precise. If you think calling names and cussing each other out, is the right thing to do. Than you are wrong. You've contributed even more to the situation, instead of resolving it. Just learn to accept the happenings and learn to speak rationally.

I want to be there.

LOST.

Until you let someone in, you'll always be alone.

GET A WAY FROM HERE.

Now all my ladies that dont need a man for nothing, except some of that good lovin`.




<$

chicks before dicks[;

Working on an independent life. Especially since I'll be going off for college soon. Well technically, I'll still be home but same thing. Time to stand up for myself and do something to benefit me. I need to look for a job, asap. & I neeeeeed to keep my grades up, that's a for sure.


miss boss.[:

I find it odd because I don't really have one person who knows everything about me anymore. Each person knows a piece of me, and I hate that. I want it to be like before. I want someone I can trust. I want something to make me truly happy again. The happiness that I'll never forget.

Let's count how many times i cry myself to sleep:
Day 1 April 8th.
Day 2 April 9th.

I can still fall asleep in your arms.
I can still talk to you about anything.
I can still see the happiness between us.
I can still see, that I still love you.
& even if that doesn't go away, I can
see that we'll be okay. Our lives may cross
later on in life, but I know we'll be okay now.
Thank you for staying in my life, best friend.

Forever & a Day, m'love.

fkc.

I fucked up.
College is a bitch I swear.
I can't stand this anymore.
Everything I do, I keep messing up.

Lessons.

The memories keep me on edge.
There are no hopes, just blank slates.
Everything wrapped up in a box.
The memories escape from within me.
I've found myself thinking of the past.
I've found myself still loving the person
I loved so long ago. It hasn't truly left
But I can feel it leaving all at once. I
Don't want to be left alone in the cold,
I want to love & feel loved. The
Warmth is what haunts me most. I
Have yet found a way to love myself
First. The possibilities are among the
particles of air, & I just cannot grasp it.