Lowblow.

First & foremost, I am NOBODY'S rebound. Got it? Get it? Good! I hold my own and I don't need you in my life to pull me further down. Get your shit straight before you come crawling back to me. I am allowed to do as I please, hang out with whomever I want, & be happy. Yes, be happy for once, okay? I'm sick and tired of being treating like shit, after all I've done. I deserve better, and everyone knows it. I'm the best you'll EVER have. See who sticks around for you, cos I'm not anymore. I'm walking out that door and never coming back. So don't come sobbing and throwing your sorry's at me. It doesn't mean shit to me. Until you've realized what you lost and what you've done, please don't give me your pity stories. I'm done crying over you, done longing for you, and done wishing that you were still here.

I'm through.

I should've

I should've been stronger. I should've been better for myself. I should've listened to those who cared. Tonight I realized that I need to stand up for myself. Be a better person. Do the things I want to do because it's what I want not what others want. I need to venture out into the world and explore my surroundings. I'm not sure, if this journey will take me down some of the wrong paths or not, but I know it is going to be a wonderful learning experience. I will try harder at keeping those people who put me down out of my life. I don't need the burden and I don't need the pain. I'll look on the brighter side of things, take things into a better perspective. Do better in school, find work, & just live my life.




p.s 611221; i wanted you to want me to stay.
but everything happens for a reason. & i'll be happy
if you're happy. [:

I remember.

Hey you!

Remember the times that I had to hide you from my family? Remember when you'd call me late at night to tell me that you loved me? Remember those summer nights, we spent just sitting around? Remember when you took care of me when I had the chicken pox? Remember all the times you picked me up because I was feeling blue? Remember when I'd call you to tell you how much I missed you? Remember when you'd hug me and never let me go? Remember when you took me to see Sarah? Remember when it was my birthday and your mom went out and bought me a cake? Remember when you made me cards & bought me jewelry? Remember when we sang songs in the car? Remember when I'd dance around in the car, and you'd just look at me and say you loved me? Remember when we decided to name your car Stina? Remember when I went with you to buy car parts? Remember when you took me to L.A just because I wanted to take Pikura pictures? Remember when you promised nothing would change between us? Remember when you sat me down and told me how much I meant to you? Remember when you took me to Reseda Point and scared me half to death? Remember when we went to the beach on July 4th? Remember when we went to Disneyland & you were scared to go on Haunted Mansion cos you thought it was that one elevator ride? Remember when I'd make you c.d mixes for car rides? Remember when you'd get mad at me for not eating all my food, cos you had to finish it? Remember when you took me to Mountain High with your family? Remember when you picked me up from work & went to drink starbucks after? Remember when you missed your dad cutting his wedding cake to pick me up? Remember when you placed the little sticker with my name on it on your car & drew a heart on it? Remember when you'd open my locker and write I love you on the post-its? Remember when we went to the movies & acted out the Dane Cook movie theater scenario? Remember when I fell asleep in your arms? Remember when we named our kids? Remember when told me that you couldn't lose me? Remember when you'd make me mad, cry, & then get happy again? Remember when you were so proud to call me your girlfriend? Remember when you would pester me about driving you around? Remember when you helped plan a birthday surprise for me in 10th grade? Remember our first date, on 4/20? Remember all the times you took me shopping & i refused to let you buy me anything? Remember when you disapproved of me getting a lipring, but when you saw it you loved it? Remember when you promised me that it was us, forever and a day? Remember April 17th, 2007?


I remember.

Another day down, & it'll be time to walk across the stage. Another day down, & it'll be time to say our goodbyes. Cleveland High School contains all the memories and all the friends that I cherish with my life. The past few days, I've contemplated and reminisced on the things that occurred for the past four years. From having people walk in & out of my life. Finding my first love. Finding my best friends. Finding the memories that I will carry with me after we leave. It's hard to believe or think that these four years are finally over. The people I see everyday, will be gone. The things I did, will not happen anymore. I hope that everyone grows up strong & accomplishes what they desire and hope for. They will forever be in my heart, they will forever be the one's who kept me up when I was down. Goodbye Cleveland High School. Class of 09, I'll never forget you.

haitus.

before i go on break for awhile..


sometimes i fall a little too quickly.
a little too hard.
a little crazily.
fight it, i say.
nothing works, i'm a goner.
i get hurt by another.
how's it possible?
nothing's really over
even when you think it is.
time comes flying back.
& than it's all my fault again.

Not tryna

Not tryna get my heart broke again.
Keeping my guard up, that's for sure.



edit;
whenever things seem to be going fine, they get bad. really bad.
i always get stuck in a bad place. i'm always worthless to someone in this family.
i'm so tired of it all. i'm so tired of not being good enough FOR ANYONE.
my heart hurts, my head hurts. i'm so tired of crying. but the tears keep coming.

I miss him.

My heart is leaving.
I've never met someone so understanding, & so caring. Someone so willing to help me through tough times. He makes me happy and makes me smile even when I don't want to. <3 He knows just the right things to say and when to say them. He knows when I'm feeling blue and he knows when I need a little pick me up. I miss him, but I know he's worth it.

I feel crazy.

The stories being told and the stories being heard.. took a dramatic toll on me. It took me to a place, only I could understand. I felt a rush of anger and hurt, but yet here I am blaming myself for the things that happened. Blaming myself for the broken heart of two people. I cannot bring myself to hate him, nor to accept that he hates me. I want things to change, I just want my best friend back. I don't want to deal with his antics, nor keep putting myself down for his wrong doing. I've placed myself in a higher place last night. I felt strong and so ready to walk away, but I had no idea how to. I can't walk away when I feel like he's the only one that's left. Last night was one of the best nights I had in my life, even knowing that we didn't do much. It was soothing, and I felt as if I was above the clouds. I can't believe it.

Tears.

Whenever I trace my tears back, it only leads to you. From the past to the present, all I've ever felt was hurt. I've never thought I could be taken for granted this way. I hadn't cried in soo long. But there I was, sitting in front of you asking for forgiveness. Asking for sympathy & compassion. I'd expect you to see it in my eyes, the hurt that you bring me. I treat you with respect, and I'd expect the same in return. Please.

The Things We Carry.

Today, as I sat and wrote in yearbooks, I came to realize how many days were left of school. And how many days I truly had left with people. People that say "they'd keep in touch" but will not. The combination of sadness and happiness are all mixed in me. Sadness because I feel like I am going to lose so much and happiness because I know there's so much of the world that I could possibly gain. Cleveland High School, was truly my second home. Without it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have met the people that are in my life now, and I wouldn't have learned to love & care so much. I will take a part of high school with me wherever I go and I hope that I have made some sort of impact on any one person. Because I know, that many of you have left so many impressions on me. I couldn't thank you guys enough, for everything <3

Among.

Lost among the stars tonight.
Lost among the things he tries to fight.
Lost among his words so sweet,
Lost among the way he lifts me off my feet.
Lost among the clouds above,
Lost among this thing called love.

this was old, but i like it[:
haha. mmkay, back to reality.